When you’re put into a position that makes you feel uncomfortable do you immediately remove yourself from the situation or do you take the initiative and challenge yourself to grow as a person by seeing the experience out until the end?
Recently (as you can tell by my last blog post) I decided to jump back into the dating scene. By jump I literally mean throwing away all previous fears and preconceived notions about the dating scene and opening my heart to the possibility that there just *might* be someone worth taking that risk for. Whether he is out there or not, I’m still unsure. In the last few weeks my heart has endured quite the rollercoaster ride (a slightly uncomfortable but overall good experience) from several guys. I can’t help but marvel at just how similar each experience was. Looking back on them all, it is almost too easy to see the different phases, steps and even lines the guys used.
First of all: Each guy says sex isn’t the most important factor in a relationship. I’ve come to wonder if men actually think that stating this early on in the ‘Getting to Know You’ stage gets them bonus points, even if it is a lie. Now, don’t get me wrong here, I’m NOT a prude or shy about sexuality. The simple truth is that sex simply isn’t as good if you don’t have a bond with someone. If a girl who is seeking a real relationship is thinking in the back of her mind that this guy only wants her for sex and is going to skip off after getting what he wants then obviously she’s going to put up a bit of a barrier to protect her heart, as she should, from the inevitable disappointment. Sex without trust satisfies the body, but on the orgasm ‘WOW Factor’ falls into the same category as one you could have without another person in the room.
Having always been a relationship girl since entering the dating scene at age 15, I’ve noticed that many guys who want sex and sex alone are the ones who take the opportunity to state its unimportance the first chance they get. There are a few great conversations, you start to feel a fondness for him, then bam… “So how do you feel about oral?”
When a guy says that to me right off the bat, it makes my heart sink. Again, not every guy is thinking that, but my past experience has taught me to fear that phrase.
Another trend I’ve noticed over the last couple weeks are that men are incredibly insecure. Could it be that they actually like it when we text them just to let them know we’re thinking about them? I’ve always thought that my desire to text or talk to the guy I’m with was an annoying personal insecurity. Every guy I’ve given my number to through this dating website has started a cycle of texting me several times throughout the day (one guy in particular knocking that up to several times per hour, more if I didn’t respond immediately) just to see how I’m doing, if I’m working, and, to my extreme annoyment, to see if I was ignoring them and talking to another guy.
Since when did men become so needy? Do they really get that worked up if we don’t respond to them immediately when they reach out? Perhaps its because I’ve always been in relationships with men I’ve been platonic friends with beforehand and haven’t done any (read ANY) casual dating until recently… But when a guy I’ve only known for a few days sends me several texts within an hour when I’m at work and…well… working, and I don’t have an opportunity to respond, it throws up little red flags in my brain.
“Is this guy ready for a relationship?” “Do I want to try and develop something more serious with a guy this needy?” “Does he not trust me?”
Is this how all guys are in the beginning or am I just a magnet for the needy and insecure?
Perhaps this is all normal behavior and I’m simply not cut out for the dating scene, but it does make me wonder if, seeing these patterns, I shouldn’t be trying to change my heart to be more accepting of these guys and their obvious interest in something more serious. Could it be that I’m so used to being overlooked and ignored by men that I’ve grown used to it and feel paranoid and cautious without a real need to when a guy has a genuine interest and wants to get to know me?
*le sigh* For now, I believe I’m done with seeking out a relationship. The right guy will find me, if he exists. This experience has taught me what is right for my own heart, even if it isn’t necessarily right according to other people. Not only can I not change the lessons my heart has learned in the past, but I don’t really want to. I am not a casual dater, I am a relationship girl. Its time to focus on meeting new people as friends; if there is a man out there for me then he will more than likely come into my life as a friend first. J