Celebrate Valentine’s Day by hosting a safe and enjoyable Ex-boyfriend Burning Party this February 14th.
1. Always, ALWAYS keep a fire extinguisher on hand.
2. Plan to burn your items in a well ventilated area and disconnect all smoke alarms in the room.
3. Use metal tongs to place items in fire.
4. Put two layers of aluminium foil under whatever metal or glass container you’re using to burn the items in to avoid starting the carpet on fire.
5. Never fill burning container more than halfway full or burn items containing any alcohol, gasoline, or other fire conductors.
6. Do not wear a long sleeved or loose top.
It is always best to burn outside, but if you live in the Great White North or anyplace where it is snowing and need to move your party indoors, please make sure the windows are open and you are burning a good distance away from any furniture. Begin the burn with a non-boyfriend related item such as a used up toilet paper roll or wad of paper towels. Once you can get a feel for the height of the flames, begin placing items into the bin beginning with the most flammable (I.E.- T-shirts and anything made of wood.) These will act as a foundation for your fire so that any items having trouble in the pyre won’t inconveniently put out the flames.
When you come to the final item that needs burning hold on to it, you will need it for Step Two.
* Never burn stuffed animals larger than your fist indoors. If you are desperate to get rid of such items, donate them to a small child who will slobber and throw-up all over them. Such a fate is just as effective as a fire.
Step two is all about symbolically cleansing yourself of the emotions attached with the men who you are now cleansing your life of. Grab whatever paper you have handy and write a short farewell to them. List any hurts they’ve caused, any retorts that went unsaid and any final words that you believe would help you achieve closure. You no longer need to fill precious mind space with such thoughts; so let him go. Crumple up that piece of paper and throw it into the flames along with the final item to be burned. After the flames finally die out, leaving nothing but ashes, set your bin aside to cool off before cleaning as it will be very hot.
The final step of the Ex-boyfriend Burning Party is to celebrate. Pass around a bottle of wine, put in a movie with ultimate ogle potential (my personal favorite is 300 solely because Gerard Butler is half naked throughout the entire thing), and enjoy a night in with the girls. After all, friends are what make life worth living.
Have a safe and fun
Valentine’s Day Single Awareness Day!